It’s a long drive from your parent’s house to the place you started calling home a year ago.

You chew gum to pass the time and sing along to radio songs like nobody’s listening, because nobody’s listening.

You wish you could be the first person to travel Mars, but then you realize you don’t know all that much about Mars and that other people might be more qualified for the adventure.

You realize the stars make sense but they are boring.

You wish you had something interesting to tell at work.

You turn to your phone and type:

“Throw me in the middle of things! Throw me to the ground and step over me! Slam the door in my face like you mean it. Just for once.”

Silly you…

Silly for reading the primers. Silly for knowing exactly how it works. Silly for being vocal about it. Silly for being the only one not invited. Silly for showing up anyway.

How could you say this is easy a year ago?

When you threw tiny bits of pavement on the pavement and smoked just to the pass the time on the back of a truck

Behind a 7-Eleven, thinking about how Prince’s cremated remains were placed into a custom, 3D printed urn shaped like Paisley Park estate.

You just don’t get it anymore. Everything further away.

So you sweat into your dad’s shirt with no intention of giving it back when suddenly

Someone arrives looking beautiful

And they throw you in the middle of things. They throw you to the ground and step over you and slam the door shut, because they mean it.

And you,
You watch them step over your body with no intention of coming back and it matters less and less.


Shiny silver pill purse chained around your neck
serve me Cola from the dashboard
and slowdance back to back.

Feed me something electrical
something I cannot digest,
please feed me the moon again
baby, make me lose again.

This night’s a line in pen on jeans
there’s not a minute to redeem.

I’ve been every U.S. President’s double ever since 1977, which is weird, considering that I’m not even a very political person.

I guess I can call myself lucky because I fell in love the same day I started my job. At first we had our difficulties because she was much taller than me and already knew the puns to all the jokes I told.

But now I truly love her.

Even though she’s always worried and wears too much perfume all the time. She won’t know the difference between perfume and eau de toilette, no matter how often I lecture her.

We’ve been in this terrible plane crash the other day. I remember that while the plane came down, she squeezed my hand very very tightly and pressed her head against my chest, hoping I could save her. My hand hurt from all the squeezing and I tried to calm her, whispering into her ear:

„Look, everything will be alright, boo. I look and behave exactly like the President, they won’t let that kind of thing happen to our country.“

And I remember that all the while, as the plane was crashing down into the riverbed, I just couldn’t stop thinking that I’ve never smelled anyone wearing that much perfume.

She didn’t make it out alive and I haven’t smelled that much perfume on anyone ever again.

I miss it sometimes. Especially when things start getting difficult (which isn’t very often b/c I’m lucky).

I sometimes think that I’m the worst but I’m good at what I do and

I will fall in love again eventually.